Wanted: New CEO for Mozilla

With Brendan Eich departing Mozilla just two weeks after he was hired as CEO, the Mozilla board is about to undertake a second CEO search, and I imagine they are understandably exhausted from the first one (as well as the backlash). Thus, I have taken the liberty of writing this job ad, which they are free to use in its entirety.

Wanted: New CEO for Mozilla

Mozilla has an immediate opening for a new CEO. This role is full time and based in our Mountain View headquarters.

Qualifications

The right candidate for this role will possess the following qualifications:

• No history of being wrong, ever.
• Independence of thought, so long as the thought falls directly in line with what’s considered socially acceptable.
• Expertise in groupthink so strong that it can destroy entire careers.
• Willingness to essentially criminalize speech that others disagree with.
• Ability to artfully throw anyone with an unpopular viewpoint under the proverbial bus.

Responsibilities

The successful candidate will be responsible for the following:

• Leading an organization full of people who are so tolerant that they can’t handle differences of opinion.
• Expressing their views on a range of issues, as long as those views don’t piss anyone off.
• Promoting a web so open that a few hundred vocal people can destroy a lifetime of somebody’s good works.
• Standing for freedom in all forms, except for freedom of thought or belief, at least thought or belief that loud people disagree with.

To apply, please send resume and cover letter to our screening committee, OKCupid. Mozilla is an equal-opportunity employer, so long as we agree with your political viewpoint.

Brandon Savage is the author of Mastering Object Oriented PHP and Practical Design Patterns in PHP

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